I’ve become hyper focused on how I can repair the past by thinking it into different existence. By reimagining my days, I’m hoping to repair the broken bits that now are so clearly shattered. Rather than facing the truth in my present moment, and understanding how that can help me evolve, I continue to visit the past thinking I can rub salve on a sore that is now a scar, hoping to heal it.
In this moment, I wonder if it even matters what I should have done then. The only way I think matters is to help me recognize what I can do now to be the person I aspire to discovering in the past. So here is some rear view perspective on what should I have done then:
I should have talked more about what I was dealing with to friends.
I should have focused on writing as my true path and pursued studying it in college, way back when.
I should have pursued the guys I was curious about rather than being so scared I wasn’t good enough for them and they would break my heart.
I should have hiked more in the desert.
I should have stayed in Europe longer or kept going.
I should have gone to Southeast Asia.
I should have lived in other cities.
I should have more vulnerable real conversations
I should have a masters or pursued psychology.
I should have more compassion for myself.
I should reach out to the people on my mind to connect and tell them or show them I care.
I should not run around so busy and overwhelmed all the time.
I should get to know myself in the present moment to change from the past.
I should pursue things that make me feel inspired and alive.
I should say yes in the moment.
I should write more.
I should bake and cook more.
I should paint more.
I should go back to the desert.
I should focus on what I do want in my life rather than all the other things.
I should surround myself with love.
I should let things end, so new things can begin.