Not Duggin' It

Did you know the world population is at 7 BILLION people? You probably did. BUT did you know that 200 years ago the world population was at 1 Billion people? And that 50 years ago it was at ~3.5 Billion people? You thinking what I'm thinking? What will our numbers look like 50 years from now?

- btw check out these population photos from The Atlantic -

I'm a leeettle freaked out that we're "overdoing" it, so to speak. Though this is just another reminder that we are animals, the real piece that kills me is that we are educated animals but we're acting like friggin' rabbits. I mean, we are not cavemen anymore struggling for the survival of our species. And the last time I checked, most of us are not working in the fields anymore so we don't need the "manpower." Don't get me started on the Duggar's big announcement this past week. 20 kids? Really. 20. 20 kids is palpable? It kills me even though they subsist on their own and don't ask for government help.



Now, I'm not trying to tell anybody else how many kids to have or if they even should have kids in the first place. I come from a large family and I relish having five sisters. What I am saying is that it's our responsibility not only as parents but also citizens of the world to analyze the physical, emotional, financial, and ecological pressures of having a child. We are responsible for looking at the bigger picture rather than just thinking to ourselves, "let's do it and worry later" or "God will provide as many children as he thinks we can handle." Last time I checked, God wasn't living here on earth...so, uh, he's not going to mind so much if there's not enough food or water to go around. He gave us brains, let's use them.

Rant over.

P.S. This is a more upbeat article on the subject.

Love Bug

I fell in love with M's Halloween costume long before she even knew about it. Weeks ago I hung it in her closet on display so I could look at it because I thought it was so dang cute. You can imagine my dismay when I finally took her for a test drive in it and she acted more like Francis, the ladybug from A Bug's Life (Denis Leary's voice and a bad temper due to often being mistaken for a female).


Slowly though she warmed up to it. D and I both thought it was brilliant.




By Halloween, she was kind of in to it. Though on the flip side, I don't think she understood other people dressing up. She refused her Aunt T when she tried many times to pass along a lime but took it the second I handed it to her. Hence why she seems a little sallow in these photos...


Tricia on the other hand was getting a little Captain in her. Bravo Trish-RRRRRR (shout out to mom and pirates) for hosting the best - and our only - trick or treating stop by making it "parent-friendly."


It was "old-fashioned" kid friendly too.


Back at home we carved what D and I agree is one of the best pumpkins we have ever had. It was a great size with a super cute curled stem on top and plenty of room for a friendly face.

I love Ginger peaking through his arm in this photo.
I love that you can see so many different things in this photo.  
I'm always a sucker for a good Gingy angle
though I wish I could get her in to a lion mane one of these years. 
Happy Halloween!

MGR

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the new little nugget Nancy and Ed welcomed in to the world last week (it was a big week in our house). The second act following the almost incomparable HRR; weighing in at 7 lbs. 2 ozs and 20 3/4" long: miss MGR. 


When Nancy initially told me she was pregnant, I hoped it was a girl (I'd like to believe I knew the sex from the get-go b/c everything seems so definitive in retrospect). Don't get me wrong: I have some awesome nephews; but there was something about the promise of another little girl... I envisioned tea cups and tutus and slumber parties. I wanted the notion of that for my daughter and her little cousin. Who knows how they will actually turn out, perhaps they will be tomboys preferring motorcycles to Mystery Date but for the time being I am going to envision them as fast girly friends.



I explained to miss M that she was handing off the baton. She is not the littlest gal on the block anymore. My gosh, she's a toddler already. She can show MGR how it's all done. Just as M watches HRR with curious eyes and awe, I hope she in turn shows MGR the things she has discovered along the way.


I think she's excited (who doesn't love spending time with a cousin).



MGR: we welcome you! You are beautiful! Learn to be funny and use the brains in your head. Remember, you will always be loved by many.

THE day

Here are some photos from Miss M's actual birthday. I like to think THE day is pretty special even if we celebrated her birthday two weeks ago. I had plans: I wanted to introduce her to the cheesy bagel, her cousin MGR, the Aquarium, and finish it with a little more cake. It was a big day.


M meets M
Cheesy bagel looses to bagel holes - so cinnaminy and sweet


Shout out to the first year


Playing with a buddy
The promise of more cake
Enough with the Paparazzi, let's get to the good stuff

A day that wouldn't be complete without some more cake and a video of her enjoying it...

 

Seasons of Love

From Rent (currently listening to the London Gay Men's Chorus version)


I’m trying to wrap up my thoughts about what this past year with M has meant to me. It’s a tall order. The past few days I have been thinking that this is what a “year” feels like (and yes, I walk around singing show tunes in my head sometimes…though I don’t really know this song so it’s a pretty repetitive 14 words).

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, 
How do you measure, measure a year? 

Had I known about the sleep deprivation, I might not have pursued parenting. Had I comprehended the unending promise of poopy diapers and dirty bottles, I might not have been up for the challenge. Had I realized I would drive myself mad with the promise of breastfeeding, I probably would have gone to Mexico instead. Had I assumed that I too would be reduced to eating the remains from someone else’s noshings, I might have relished my dignity. Had I noted that even though I lost all my baby weight things would still be “shifted”, I might have chosen my old “new” body. Had I understood feeling utterly helpless watching another being navigate through this world, I probably would have thought my heart couldn’t handle it. Had I taken for granted that I would constantly be riding the wave of protecting and trying to not be overprotective, I might have thought it was too much to balance.


BUT, had I known that I could be utterly sleep deprived and quickly checking photos of her at 4 am before I go back to sleep; or that my humor would save me from the mundane tasks; or that the lightest touch could feel so lovely; or that I would become a person I liked even more than the old, edgy me; or that the slightest action could make my day… had I known how much I would love this little girl, I would have done it much sooner.

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights - in cups of coffee 
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife 

This first year has been such a gift to me. The present being sheer, delectably elegant time; life unfolding as it should rather than rushing through the days to get it all done. As a mother it makes me happy to watch miss M flourish. As a human, it makes me amazed at what we all subtly achieve every day in our own development. I wish in that sense this utopia would never end. Though I know in my heart that miss M will grow up, that D needs help supporting our family financially, and that I need validation (outside our home life) to be the best partner and mother I can be for them. 


This gig is a constant tweaking, a constant checking of self with perhaps no validation about what I am doing. I guess I need to remember that when I think about being a mom. It’s different than being a lover or a friend - experiences that are usually validated by the other person on some level. Parenthood thus far has been a verbally thankless gig. The gratitude comes in watching a smile for the first time, or having little arms wrap around my neck or a hand gently touch my cheek, or barely tangible words that sound eloquent to my ears, or the unsteady balancing of a body on two feet. These moments are what make it all worth it, these and the sheer joy of watching her grow and discover this world we know.

 
Five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan 

M brings me joy in her smile, in her mischievousness, in her delicate touch. She giggles a lot and shares the sweetest temperament. Sometimes when she smiles I am reminded of the little nugget baby Maddie; when she first started smiling all together. She lights it up for me and each morning I try to get what I need to get done, done, so I can greet her with a smile and the time to pay attention during the hours we share. I wonder if she will loose her unabashed enthusiasm for life, for the promise of a new day. If one day she will not shimmer with her energy and I will see a shadow on her heart. The Buddhists say we spend our life trying to return to the innocence of our youth. All of the interactions, the activities we encounter pull us away from our sheer wholehearted embrace of this world. As we approach death I wonder if we get so sentimental or so unencumbered that we return to a mental place that allows for our sense of self to only embrace what has happened, what we know.

It's time now to sing out Tho' the story never ends 
Let's celebrate Remember a year in the life of friends 

I have confidence that we have a great connection: that I will not try to control her more than what is safe for her growing up; that I might be as beautiful to her as she is to me. At best, I do my best. The rest I expect to meet on the path of my destiny. I keenly remind myself to look and enjoy the view as I follow the path I am on; to introduce the beauty of it to my daughter and find at least a moment of inspiration every day to reflect on. She inspires me to be joyful and to embrace life. We have this time together to love each other wholeheartedly. That is what Miss M has brought to my world this year.

Remember the love.

One Down

The promise of an uber-cute harvest festival at the Littleton Museum inspired me to plan miss M's first birthday party a few weeks early. It was sure to be a lovely celebration with pumpkins, livestock, live music, and cake...


I thought I had it all tied down but the weather wasn't game. I hate forecasts and predictions but leave it to me to pick the one bad weather day in October...that is until today. That Saturday morning the rain/snow were not a good mix with a one year old birthday party at a harvest festival. So instead, we crammed one smash cake, 55 cupcakes, 60 tamales, a load of green chili, and a host of friends in to our house to sing to her. Watching M eat cake, surrounded by family and friends, was delightful.


That was two weeks ago. Today is her actual birthday. The true joy in a pre-celebration like the party captured above is that you get cake twice. My mom said it might confuse her to celebrate again so soon but I say, let them eat cake (and by "them" I mean "us").