What Had Hold On Me

Today I saw a patch of wild dandelion blooms lightly lifting in a vortex carrying them them up into the air and out into the field. There were hundreds of wishes getting taken away on the wind. Parts of these plants were carried so far from where they began, to find new spaces to spread out and thrive. Millions of wishes launched and caught on a breeze all at once; somehow being entirely connected and yet entirely on their own journey.

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Conversations with my Father

Grace Paley

I started the day wishing you Happy Birthday wherever you are - whether you’re Stardust or a being in a different ecosystem. Your memory is still so alive in all our hearts. But oh how I miss the sound of your voice and your laugh.

"Ask yourself one question: does this path have heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use." 
- Carlos Castenda

I’m not even sure I know how to truly sense the heart of some thing. My mind plays tricks on me and I project what I think are peoples intentions. I’m still working on trying to find my heart; to listen to its desires. I feel so lost, sometimes trying to let my heart lead. Perhaps just for today I will listen.

Merry Christmas

Since December 6, I've been waiting for my holiday cards to be delivered. Each day  I've been disappointed when they don't arrive. Still, other friend's cards come in and it makes me feel lighter, like somehow I'm surrounded by friends who we really haven't seen much of this year. 

Some day our cards will be delivered and I'll bet the timing will seem like a joke or have some strange coincidence. I don't even know if I will mail them out once they arrive, since the moment seems to have passed already. 

This year... I promised myself I wouldn't try to quantify it... but a lot CAN happen in a year. If you're out there, I hope you're still finding a feeling of hope in your heart for what's to come, because I still am. Don't let this crazy game get you down too much. There is still much joy to be had and connections to be made; there is always hope.

The Original

I saw Saturn this past year through a telescope. It was one of the highlights of my year. It's funny to say since it looked like little more than a low res version of a photo of the planet that I might find on the web. But it was cool because for a brief moment, lenses and mirrors were reaching across our universe to project one beautiful planet into my world.

I took miss M to see it. I had promised her we would star gaze one night at Observatory Park. We skipped the talk and went straight to the telescope. I forgot what a beautifully 'ancient' tool it is in an old building. As I watched them adjust the wooden ladder so she could climb it, I thought about my Dad watching me do the same. Though I wasn't as young when I visited this place with him, I'm sure he navigated me through moments of apprehension knowing the payoff would be awesome.


We stopped at the Biosphere 2 during my college visit to check out the University of Arizona. During the tour he kept reminding me that the earth was the original biosphere. Typing this, I wish remembered more about the visit and about the things he tried to teach me that he knew and found interesting.

Still, looking at this photo, I see one of the most important things: one of my original friends in this biosphere and love... so much love.

“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.” - Carl Sagan